All right. I just decided. As Michelle keeps drilling into my head, this is going to be Girl Power Summer 2004. No more Miss Nice Girl. I’m going to start working on me. I need to go back to school. I want to learn. I want to exercise. I’m beginning the new development of the new and improved, additive-free Katster.

This winter I came to a realization that I have put next to no effort into pursuing a relationship, which was fine. I needed the time to be alone, have my selfish time, and enjoy my surroundings. But upon this conclusion, I began to change my expectations and feelings toward the issue. I miss being in a relationship. I miss handholding, cuddling, making out…and sex. But I can’t look for it, either. I’m no longer going to seek it out. The search leaves me mostly with want and a lot of wasted time and energy.

I’m a firm believer in life being what you make of it. I do not agree with the whole “destined” or “meant-to-be” path. So I date. I look for prospective Mr. Rights on match.com or other means for finding a mate. I also agree that things happen to us when we least expect them and when we’re looking, we’re certainly expecting. Should I keep looking? I don’t think I’ve been very proactive in my search, as it is. I don’t think it’s taken so much time out of my life.

City College of San Francisco is holding placement tests this Saturday, so I’m going to head down there early Saturday morning. I need to get things started for myself. The more educated I am, the more I’ll have to offer.
  ¶ 10:05 AM